And so it goes. I’m doing dishes, thinking about what I need to do before heading to bed: Follow up on email, let the dog out, fold the laundry. It’s already late and I’m anxious. I want to get through the dishes quickly.

I turn too fast, before the glass is above the rim of the sink. Crack! It hits the side of the sink and shatters. 

“You idiot, Brian!” I exclaim to myself. “You just broke one of your favorite wine glasses. You’re a klutz and you know it!”

I finally finish the dishes and head up to do laundry. I look and see a mess in the family room. I certainly don’t want to be picking THAT up in the morning. I yell at the kids, “You guys get down here and clean up this mess in the family room RIGHT NOW!”

I head off to my bedroom and laundry, feeling guilty for yelling, crappy about myself, and stressed about the week. 

It Starts with Self-Compassion 
Sound familiar? Maybe it is mistakes at work, a general feeling of failure, or simple accidents like I describe above. Channeling Demi Lovato, we’re a black belt at beating ourselves up.

Interestingly, if I think about my family and friends and people around me, I want them to be at peace, have fulfilling lives, and generally be happy and successful, however they choose to define success. But, I find it okay to disparage myself??

In a guided meditation I did once, they suggested thinking about others and practicing phrases like, “May it go well with you. May you experience peace.” as a way to have good peaceful thoughts toward others. Then, they had you say those same phrases to yourself.

“May it go well with me. May I experience peace.” 

If you’re like me, it is an interesting sensation wishing things like peace, happiness, and success to myself. But, I honestly believe I don’t do it enough. And you probably don’t either.

Self-Compassion Leads to Forgiveness 
If I had practiced self compassion in the story above, I might have stopped myself mid-critique and re-framed the narrative. I’d think: I care about my health and was trying to hurry because I wanted to get to bed on time with my chores completed. I am a little klutzy and so the next time I feel anxious, I need to stop and take a deep breath so I am careful with my work.

Then, I’d be able to earnestly say to myself, “I forgive myself for breaking the wine glass. I know it was a mistake and I wasn’t just being careless.”

Then, when I saw the mess in the living room, I might be able to say, “I forgive them for not picking up their things right away.” When I asked my kids to clean up the living room, I bet it would be with a much better tone and they wouldn’t be fearful because I’m grumpy. It’ll get the same result and I won’t feel guilty.

Try It 
I understand, it is a little weird to silently wish others, let alone yourself, good tidings. I encourage you to try it, though. At some point in your day spend a few moments sitting still and thinking of a few people you’re planning to see during the day and wish them good will. If you can, be specific. 

Then, turn it on yourself and wish yourself good will. Be specific. Wish for yourself happiness in specific things, contentment in specific situations, and success in specific endeavors. Notice how you feel.

If you make a mistake this week, forgive yourself. If others make a mistake, forgive them. It’ll make your Monday and every other day awesome!