A Secret Weapon

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A Secret Weapon

Want a Secret Weapon?
Wouldn’t you like to have a secret weapon you could just pull out anytime and neutralize any threat that came your way. You’d swagger through life confident, knowing that any situation was within your control. Your current life would instantly become manageable and you’d eagerly look for the next challenge, ready for anything. No one else would know… they’d just watch in amazement, wondering, “what’s her secret?” and “when did he become so magical?”

Gain Self-Awareness and Become James Bond
Self-awareness is getting a lot of press lately, and for good reason. Self-awareness is one of the greatest predictors of overall success(1). But, personal gain isn’t the only reason you should explore this topic. Society wants authenticity… authentic leadership, authentic experiences, authentic people. Of course we want things that are authentic. We don’t want products that are packaged as something they aren’t… like power-hungry politicians, unethical business leaders, and creepy celebrities. I hope you want to be authentic. Being authentic is the result of doing the underlying work to develop self-awareness.

Self-awareness is a pretty broad term, but one definition is: knowing one’s internal states, preference, resources and intuitions(1). I think that’s a pretty good summary. In regard to becoming self-aware, it often starts at a macro level – what do I like? where do I want to go? what do I enjoy doing? – and as we become more aware of our internal world, we move to a micro level – what am I feeling right now? How do I want to respond?

Mark Manson(4) talks about having two brains – a thinking brain and an observing brain. The thinking brain just thinks whatever it is going to think, but we can interact and control the observing brain. For most of us, the two brains are fused and so we don’t observe and understand what we’re thinking and what we want to do about it. Decoupling these two brains and learning to observe our thinking brain allows us to understand our internal world in a non-judgmental way. You have to give him your email to get his “3 Ideas That Can Change Your Life” article, but it is well worth it, as long as you don’t mind some colorful language.

And it Comes with Rewards
One HBR article(2) found that being self-aware can help you more than an MBA can. Imagine that? An MBA, which costs lots of money, may not even be applicable to your final career, and likely will lead you to a job you don’t enjoy anyway! Instead, you could just figure out how to become more self-aware. I suspect one of the reasons people who rank high in self-awareness are successful is that they’ve dialed in to their strengths better. They spend less time trying to be somebody they aren’t. They spend less time worrying about others’ opinions and they spend more time maximizing their unique value to the world and more time being happy. Sounds good, doesn’t it?

It Really is More Fun
Tasha Eurich labels those that have low internal self-awareness and low external self-awareness as “Seekers”(3). Seekers often feel stuck and frustrated with performance and relationships. That is how I felt, and it wasn’t fun. I tried hard to do the things that people expected of me, but then felt hurt when my accomplishments weren’t recognized. Spending some time learning about myself, understanding myself in a non-judgmental way, has been rewarding and satisfying. It has led to the start of this weekly email and soon-to-be-launched blog. It has allowed me to start being more compassionate with myself, my family, and with others. It has opened a whole new area of learning and it feels like brand new parts of my brain have been turned on.

There is No Destination
If this isn’t something you’ve explored or thought about, I hope this article starts you down a new path. If you’re like me and have started being more conscious, deliberate, and exploratory in understanding yourself, who you are, and how you think, then what’s next? In Eurich’s research(3), she found that only 10-15% of people that think they are self-aware really are. It might be useful to analyze your progress by considering the concepts of internal self-awareness – how we see ourselves – and external self-awareness – how well we understand how others see us. That second part takes some courage. Based on this concept, though, I plan to start working on external self-awareness, too, with friends, family, and people I trust, because I think it is worth it in the long run.

Not Why, but What
The research is clear on the benefits of cultivating self-awareness. It can become the secret weapon you’ve always dreamed of and no one will even know your wielding it. You can have greater happiness, a more fulfilled life, more successful relationships, and a bigger positive impact in the world through self-awareness. There are many ways to get started and I will be writing on this theme for January, so will plan to share a few more ideas. For this week, try to notice how you feel and act, separating the thinking brain from the observing brain. When you notice things, ask yourself “what” questions rather than “why” questions. For example: What can I do to make Monday morning positive? What does my family need from me this weekend? What kind of a morning sets me up for success?

Thanks for reading and have an awesome week!

Some articles for further reading

Happy New Year! As always, your feedback and ideas are welcome and encouraged.