When was the last time you were selfish?
When did you last do something for yourself without caveats, qualifiers, or rationalizations, and it felt good and right?
We’re taught that being selfish isn’t good. It is drilled into us. That isn’t a bad thing. We see examples all around us of selfishness and greed, examples of people being self-centered and self-absorbed, and we know that isn’t the way to live.
However, when it comes to your career, you need to be self-directed, self-motivated, and self-led. And you need to be selfish.
Let me explain.
Burned Out and Hopeless
Most people define their career by a framework of external factors – education, job history, title, salary, revenue, number of direct reports, or something like that. This is how we’re taught to define a career.
It starts early. We are encouraged to do good at school, go to college, work hard and graduate, get hired by a good company, work hard and get raises and promotions, save up, retire, and then enjoy life.
Now, if that is such a great way to build a career, why are so many disengaged and unfulfilled with their career?
It isn’t just you; it’s everywhere. According to a 2020 Conference Board report, only 33% of workers are satisfied with their jobs in the U.S., and Gallup found that 85% of employees worldwide are not engaged.
If you’re not there yet, you probably will be. Lack of fulfillment plagues our work lives and degrades our mental, physical, and social health. Low engagement at work contributes to depression, anxiety, and stress. Our bodies suffer as we carry extra weight, exercise less, and experience higher rates of sickness and disease. We don’t have time or energy to build quality relationships with friends and family, so our social life suffers.
So, what’s the solution?
Do we need to redesign our jobs, develop new titles, and reconfigure the organization? Do we need different management practices? Should we implement more systems and track things like recognition and feedback? It could be more training, a new system for tracking recognition, or an employee wellness program. Do we need to bring people back into the office, have them all work from home, do a hybrid model, or something else? Do we need more autonomy, more collaboration, another off-site, more meals together, less time together, a 4-day workweek, unlimited PTO, strategic plans, and better communication… what will fix this???
This list goes on and on. There is never a shortage of ideas on how to fix things. People want things to be different but don’t know what to change. We’ve been trained and cultured to look externally. So, we find something to change and think, “that’ll fix it.”
But it doesn’t. I know.
The Value of Being Selfish
I didn’t start on the traditional path. I mean, I barely graduated from high school, and I meandered in college. I went to six colleges over ten years before finally graduating.
You don’t need to follow a traditional path. I wasn’t unhappy or unfulfilled; quite the opposite. But as life does, it got more conventional. I got an excellent job with a great company and moved up the ranks.
But my enthusiasm waned, and I stopped being excited. So, I looked around at what needed to change.
I sought out more challenges and promotions, rising to one of the most senior positions in the company. That helped for a bit, but lethargy and discontent came back.
I thought a side hustle would help. I started a business and worked it in the evenings. That didn’t do it.
More adventure, that’ll do it! Nope. Maybe instead of more, I needed to do less. I resigned from my position. It didn’t work.
All that change cost a lot of blood, sweat, tears, and dollars. It didn’t get me what I wanted. I wanted a rewarding career where I felt fulfilled and content.
As I considered what a rewarding career meant, I realized it had to be self-centered and self-focused. Defining a successful career by money or title is easy but not helpful. Only I could figure out how to define a rewarding career. I had to get selfish.
Now might be the time for you to be selfish, too. It’s time for you to start understanding yourself, investing in yourself, and making decisions based on what motivates you. That’s the path to greater fulfillment at work.
If you can build a rewarding career, you will have improved health outcomes. You will be healthier physically and mentally. You will experience better relationships at work and home. Others around you will be happier and more fulfilled. You’ll be more productive, you’ll be able to give more, and others will benefit from your contributions.
Funny, huh? Being selfish might be the best way to give to others.
Take a Chance
When trying to build a rewarding career, changing how we’ve been cultured to think isn’t easy. You’ll start by considering a job title, like “I want to be VP” and you’ll think about the things that come along with that title and role and you’ll think, “yeah, I could do that” or “I’d like that.”
But that’s not the way to go about this. You have to start from the inside and work out. Being selfish means that your direction and motivation comes from within. Being selfish isn’t an external motivation to satisfy yourself completely, but an internal motivation to express yourself fully.
Let’s try an analogy. You are like a boat in the ocean. Generally, you float along with the currents and the tides, following along with the way things generally go.
Now, you want to stop just going along with the tides. You want to anchor up for a bit, stay for a bit, and watch the scenery. So, you throw out an anchor.
Here in Alaska, we have large tidal swings, some of the biggest in the world. As you’re trying to find a more self-directed path, your first attempts will be like throwing out a river anchor to hold against an Alaska tide change. It isn’t going to hold. It might slow your drift for a bit, but eventually, the tide will pull the anchor up, and you’ll be adrift again.
It happened to me. I had put out an anchor and was holding my own, and then a big promotion opportunity came along. The tide swung. I couldn’t pass it up, and I was adrift again.
We all start somewhere, though. Even if all you have is a river anchor, throw it out. Take the chance and invest in yourself.
The first step may feel weird. You’re used to identifying a next step, like a promotion, and then figuring out what you need to get that promotion. There is some security in the defined path.
When you decide to invest in yourself, it takes faith because there isn’t a defined payback or guaranteed result. You’re investing with no promise of a promotion, raise, or a new job. I can’t even promise contentment or happiness.
You may feel like all you have is a tin can filled with concrete tied to a rope. You wonder what good it will do against the Alaska tides. But you’ll never know unless you try. You don’t know how deep the water is, how strong the current is, what the bottom is like, or how much force is needed to buck the tide until you try.
For me, it took a lot of attempts, many anchors. Eventually, my anchor was big enough and strong enough that it held against the tides. It was set, and I stayed put while the tides moved. And they kept going, continuing their patterns without me. Turns out, they didn’t need me floating around with them after all.
Where To Start?
We are complex individuals, and it isn’t easy to unravel, untangle, and navigate our internal world. It consists of our personality, how we view the world, and all our past experiences. It’s a lot to unpack.
I encourage you to start by seeking to understand your personality. It helps to use a model. Any of the popular ones will work, such as Myers-Briggs, DISC, Enneagram, Big 5, and others. If there is one you’re familiar with, use that.
To get value from understanding your personality, you must put it into practice. Reading about yourself is intriguing, but don’t get so caught up in reviewing and analyzing your personality type that you don’t put the information to use.
I’ll give you a simple way to throw an anchor out and feel what it is like to hold yourself steady, even when the tides are shifting around you.
Put Your Personality Into Practice
Here’s a straightforward way to put your personality into practice.
- Pick a model
If you’ve already used a personality model that you liked, go with that. Otherwise, choose either the Myers-Briggs (MBTI) or Enneagram.
If you’re new to the Enneagram, there’s a lot to understand about your type, so don’t get fixated on it right now. Use this site for a quick indication of your type and go with that. - Read about your personality type
The Enneagram assessment above will list a few good resources to read about your type. If you used a different model, do a web search and read a few perspectives on your personality type.
Remember, the descriptions are written by a variety of people, for various audiences, and for various reasons. They don’t know you, the description doesn’t define you, and the descriptions shouldn’t be viewed as prescriptive. - Identify one insight
As you read about your personality, you will recognize yourself in the description. Often it feels like they’ve articulated something you’ve known about yourself but haven’t seen clearly until reading it.
That’s an insight. It is a personal understanding of a personality trait you’ve identified about yourself. Sometimes the insight can feel a little heavy as you recognize how you’ve beat yourself up over it or imposed it unnecessarily on others. Try and keep them simple and light to start with.
Write down one that stands out to you. State it as succinctly and clearly as possible. - Create a countermeasure
Every aspect of our personality has a positive and a negative, a gift and a thorn, something to appreciate and something to fear. To make use of the insight, you must understand both sides of it,
The countermeasure is how you protect yourself and others from the negative impacts of your personality traits. It is a phrase or sentence you can easily remember and recite to yourself when you see your personality trait in action.
For example, one insight I had is that I can have a narrow perspective on a situation and see an either/or decision when there are multiple solutions to the situation. My countermeasure is the phrase, “What is a both/and option?”
Catching myself going down a narrow perspective, I can deploy that countermeasure, say the phrase to myself, and open up my thinking. - Identify a vector
The last thing to do is identify the gift of my personality trait. What do you appreciate about yourself and this particular trait? How can you help yourself and others by using this trait? The vector is the specific strength of your personality type put into action.
This is your potential for the world, the reason you’ve got this trait, characteristic, or quirk. Your vector isn’t a mandate, mission, or crusade. Rather, it is an opportunity, an invitation you extend to others.
In my example, I can help bring clarity to options when there are a lot of different factors to consider, but a decision has to be made.
Put these three components together – insight, countermeasure, and vector – and you have what I call an Implementation Pod. You can create as many of these Implementation Pods as you need. I recommend starting with three and try deploying them throughout your week.
Start Small
Understanding yourself takes investment. You must invest your time, emotions, and energy to learn about yourself and explore the implications of what you learn. You must invest in yourself. You must be selfish.
Taking the small step today of defining an Implementation Pod and putting it into practice is you building an anchor and throwing it over. You’ll start to get a feel for what the tides are doing and how your anchor is holding.
Notice how it feels when you try it out. See how others react. If you’re in a group, notice how the group dynamic changes when you deploy your Implementation Pod. I hope you experience positive effects and realize that by focusing on yourself, others benefit.
This is just a start. As you experience positive results, you’ll want to invest in yourself more. Investing in yourself, leading yourself, and being selfish is the path to fulfillment in your own life. It is also how you can best help others. You will have the energy and conviction to support others from a place of confidence and strength, and they will follow your example and start their journey of self-fulfillment.
Isn’t it ironic? Being selfish may be the best way to change the world.